Our family recently suffered a horrible loss-the death of my baby cousin Isaiah Rafael Martinez. Although I didn't meet him, I love his brother, Matthew, and sister Anaida, and his mommy and daddy. His dad, Rene, is actually my first cousin. So Isaiah was actually my second cousin. But I don't consider all that detail. They're family to me.
You know when you have a baby, you plan their whole future. You carry this child in the womb for 9 months, have them, and envision their entire future while they are still in the womb. We do it unconciously, and I'm sure my cousin Rene and Marcy were not any different than any other parent out there.
You know the type of planning I'm talking about. You're envisioning their first steps and first words before they are born. You envision your first holidays with them. You envision their first day of Kindergarten, graduating high school, the boyfriend/girlfriend they will introduce you too--you know, the ones you warned them about because you were exactly like them when you were that age, fighting you for the car keys. You envision how you will do things different than your parents did with you. You'll be the cool parent who lets them get a tattoo without all the begging (the begging you did to your parents for your first tattoo). And you imagine how you'll NEVER let them do _______ (the things you did that drove your parents crazy and you'll be damned if they put you through the same hell). They are babies, toddler, when you are already imagining all the same happiness and hell we put our parents through. lol
You go about a certain routine everyday. You wake up, feed them, change them, are exhausted and try as hard as you possibly can to put them to bed in hopes to get rest for yourself in the night or continue a "normal" day. You dress them, put them in the car seat, buckle them, go about your day, bring them home, change again, feed, rock to sleep. You may try hard from the day they are newborns to put them in some sort of routine so that you can function for work. You wake up, get them dressed, drop them off at daycare, kiss them goodbye (even though they are not concious of your words or kisses), go about work, pick them up from daycare (or a family members house), go home, do the changing, feeding, rocking, whatever it is to soothe them to comfort and to sleep. No matter which routine fits your lifestyle, in the rush of it all, life moves so fast that you don't take time to really treasure them. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying, that since we lead busy lives, we don't care about our children. That's not what Im saying. What I am saying is that we don't stop to realize who this little being REALLY is...
For whatever reason, God blessed you with this child. He lends one of his angels and solely entrusts you to guide them. This is an angel that God gave us to take care of for Him. They are children only "loaned" to us from God. And no matter how pretty, ugly, fat, skinny, sweet, innocent, healthy, or sick, God can take this little angel back to his home in Heaven at any given minute.
The death of my cousin Isaiah was one of the hardest I ever had to endure. It's one of those things that you think can happen to anyone, but not you. Don't say you've never felt that way. We all do at some point. I know I have. It has been more than painful than I ever thought. It brings me to tears and breaks my heart when I remember the day of the funeral...the pain that my cousin who I love so much, had to bury his child. The pain his wife, Marcy, as a mom, had to suffer. I can not begin to imagine the pain of losing a baby. I have heard it is the most painful of all deaths that one will ever have to endure.
I saw all the pain my cousin Rene and his wife Marcy endured. My heart feels for them and I pray so hard for them. I never told them I was sorry for their loss. I'm not insensitive. I just tried to put myself in their shoes, to feel their pain, and I realize, no words said will take the pain away. All I can do is love them (which I always have) and be there for them. When I saw the pain Marcy and Rene were in, I asked God, "Why did you need Isaiah more than Marcy, Rene, Matthew and Anaida?" Although Isaiah is not with us, his spirit lives on with his mommy and daddy. Their memories of him are what will keep him alive. The memories and his spirit are what I pray AND FIRMLY BELIEVE THAT THAT IS WHAT WILL HELP THEM HEAL.
Isaiah was indeed an angel. He brought our family, who were in the midst of disputes, together. For me, he has given me the gift to appreciate my family more. I stop throughout my busy day to really just hug, kiss, and tell my daughter I love her. I know it sounds crazy, but I don't plan too far ahead, like her teen years, because I can not be sure she will be around. I don't take her for granted. Before I saw her as, "She's my child!!" You know what I'm talking about...we've all said it. In a situation, I try to imagine what God would say or do if he saw me with her. If she spills milk, would God really want me to go crazy and scream at the top of my lungs. She is in fact, God's child. And it scares me. Who's to say, God may not approve of what I do with her, and take her home to Heaven. I am FAR from perfect, but I am doing my best now to improve it. I am trying to fix it. I also have tried to not have so much pride. Now, I tell my family, "I love you." I realize that there are certain people who are so precious to me, that I can not envision my life without them or if something horrible happened them. I love them so much--Mom, Savanna, Dad, Matthew, Anaida, Cecy, Priscilla, Rene, Marcy....I love them so much. Isaiah has given me the gift of appreciation!! Of my daughter, my family, my life, every minute I breathe. Thank you Isaiah.
I believe that the ONLY reason God felt he needed Isaiah more than Marcy and Rene is so that he could watch over all his family, especially Marcy, Rene, Matthew, and Anaida.
We love you Isaiah. You are loved and missed sooooo much, more than you'll ever know! Watch over and protect your family, especially your mommy and daddy who need you to help them heal.
Here is a video that his daddy Rene made in memory of him. It is one of the most absolute beautiful movies I have ever seen.
